shelby_pyle's Xanga

life & God's grace...

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 03:29:45 GMT

Hey everyone...I know its been an EXTREMELY long time since I've last blogged...but I just stumbled upon this site again and remembered how useful is is to have a place to get things out of my heart and head. So I guess I'll just start by telling some things that I've been struggling with and how much I've learned from it. I don't know how long things were this bad between me and God...but I know it was for a while...and I'm not even sure why it happened...but it did. I think I was just sort of accustomed to the fact that God loved me and died for me and had forgiven me...but I felt like I was trapped inside of a snow globe with no way to escape and I could only watch what was happening...I couldn't do anything about it. I was emotionless when it came to God. I hadn't opened my bible in I don't know how long...but it had been quite a while. Then something just sort of snapped in my life...and I woke up, I saw the person I had become without God and it wasn't pretty at all...I hated it. And I knew I needed to change...so that night...I was really bummed...and I felt pretty much lower than dirt...but then God sent a friend to help open my eyes...and realize how much God has given me and how he had forgiven me....and so I then went to my room and opened my bible...and I started reading in Romans....and everything I started to read...was so personal to me...everything I was reading was applying to my own life...and I needed to hear it so much...God made himself known to me...and I cried and prayed...and i felt a peace that I hadn't felt in quite a long amount of time...i just felt so alive in Him. So if you're reading this...and you feel like you're in the same boat as I was in...don't keep shutting Him out...believe me...things won't get easier....God is the only one who can keep you from falling and who will love you unconditionally without fail...don't trust in anyone else but Him, because in the end humans will always fail each other, we're sinners...we can't even begin to try and do things the right way....because we're not perfect. Only He is... I know that I made the excuse..."I don't have time for God, let alone any time for myself." but...it's worth it....God is worth it...so take time right now to go and fill your mind and soul with God's word....mend the relationship...don't wait a minute longer. God is waiting...with open arms.

In Him,

~Shelby~

btw...if anyone needs a friend to talk to...I'm always here...

how i'm doing...

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 00:48:17 GMT

I don't think anyone checks this anymore but I don't really care I just need a place to get my feelings out. This past week has been really difficult for me but also really good because I've learned some really important things. It all started when last Wednesday I spent the night with three of my really close friends from my house here in the boonedocks of nowhere outside in a tent. That entire night was really awesome and we all got really close and then the next morning I woke up and I had a little bump on my face that was really sore and I just figured it was a pimple or something and so I didn't really think about it. So then Friday night I went bowling with those same friends and I felt really crummy the entire night and so I went home, fell asleep and then woke up at like 3 in the morning. When I woke up the lower right side of my face was completely numb and was like throbbing with pain...which freaked me out....but I decided that I didn't want to go wake up my parents and make it a big deal so I prayed and asked God to help the pain go down enough for me to fall back asleep and within minutes I fell back asleep. The next morning I woke up at like 7:45 and my face felt like it was throbbing and so I went to the mirror, my face was really really swollen and it was still numb. I then went and showed my dad and he and my mom were really worried and I was worried especially since it was on my face. If you don't know why this was bad for me I'll just tell you. I struggle alot with focusing on the outside of my apprearance and I just felt like I had to look perfect for people to even consider getting to know me. I know I'm crazy but thats what I thought. Anyways, we ended up going to the emergency room later that afternoon after it started to get lots worse and they thought a spider bit me and they gave me some anibiotics and a steriod creme to put on it...they told me that if it wasn't gone by Monday that I should go to my regular doctor...so on Monday we went to the doctor because it still wasn't gone...infact it was getting worse everyday. I was really angry and confused at God for allowing that to happen and I was just so angry that He wasn't answering my prayers the way I wanted Him to. The doctor said that I had gotten bit by a brown recluse spider and that it was good that I had come in otherwise it could have gotten really bad and eaten holes in my skin on my face. I was then really thankful that God had helped me by getting me in the doctor before it got too bad. So now I'm on a stronger antibiotic and oral steriods plus the steriod creme...and the steriods are making me really hungry all the time and I just can't get full....believe me its not a good feeling, it also makes me really easily irritated and stuff and so I've just been snapping left and right and I just don't know why I'm so angry and wish that I could just be nice for a while. I'm trying really hard. But then today God showed me how to be more compassionate towards people that may seem scarred on the outside, I guess I just didn't realize how awful that must feel. So God showed me to have more compassion for others and He showed me that my inner beauty was the most important thing about me and I felt so much peace. And knew thats why God didn't answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to....He wanted to teach me that lesson and have me know who was in control of my life....not me but God. I'm so thankful for God and everyone who's been there for me and thought I was beautiful even when they saw my huge face...you know who you are...=) Well thats pretty much I had on my chest...thanks for listening....I love you all so much and miss you with all my heart.
Shelby

School's Almost Out!! =)

Thu, 17 May 2007 01:27:45 GMT

Well...I know its been quite a long time since I've last updated but the reason is that I don't think that anyone checks this anymore....which could be a good thing considering that I just really feel like writing down how I'm feeling about life in this e-mail....so here goes...I'm doing pretty good here in my small little town but I'm really really tired of school. I mean I normally don't have a problem with turning in my homework and being motivated to do it but these last couple of weeks have drug on and on and on and I just really want to quit but I've been praying for God to help me pull through these last two weeks of my sophmore year, because I know it will be well worth it. Anyways, enough about grades...the other thing thats been bugging me is that I lost my bible...I've looked everywhere and I just don't know what I did with it....so I've been kinda stranded without it....so hopefully I'll find it soon. Well...anyways...I'm ready for school to be out!! 6 more days!!! Well...update more later.

~Shelby~

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 00:10:03 GMT

Hey everyone, sorry its been a really really long time since I've updated last, I just kinda forgot about Xanga, yeah I know...sad. Anyways...I have spent some time with God since my last post which I look at now and see how far from God I had come, and I have gotten back on track, and right now I think I'm getting closer to God than I have ever been. I mean I've always known about God but I wasn't really being real, true, or honest about myself with God...I always just hid behind a smile...pretended everything was going great, but inside it was a different story...I was aching and yearning for the one person who was waiting right in front of me telling me that all I needed was Him...and that was God. So yeah...if you've been praying for me...its really helped. So thank you so much. Anyways...basically God has been really working in my heart and has inspired me to help this girl in my school who is really struggling and I know she needs God, I feel like God is tugging my heart in this area, so I have become determined to help. So yeah...I would appreciate the prayer...thank you all so much. I hope you are all experiencing God's amazing love. Have a great week.
~Shelby~

please...

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 00:28:48 GMT

I know I usually don't blog without a reason and this one is basically pretty pointless except for the fact that I really really need prayer right now, I am struggling more than I have in quite a while and I'm angry with God and my parents and I'm trying to deal with it but I'm not quite sure how. So if you would all keep me in your thoughts and prayers...I would be very thankful. I would tell you whats going on but, I don't think now is a good time & and I don't want everyone thats feels like it to know...so if you ask...I would probably tell you, but for now I would just really appreciate it if everyone kept me in their prayers.
Much appreciated.
Shelby

Sorry its been so long...

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 04:09:47 GMT

Hey everyone...sorry its been such a long time since I've updated last, my life has just been pretty hectic as usual. I think most of the reason why I didn't update was because I kept moving further away from God until it got to the point where I didn't even talk to God once throughout an entire day, thats when I realized that something needed to change because I was pushing out the one person in my life that knows me better than I even know myself, and so I had to make time for God in my life and not just expect God to squeeze he way back in. So yeah...these last couple weeks have been pretty great. I've been getting closer to God and I feel so close to Him and I can see Him everywhere I look...He's affecting lives all around me and it makes me so happy to see that. Last weekend I spent the night at one of my friend's house with another girl and we are all really on fire for God and I think together we will be strong enough to start spreading the word of God throughout our school. I know its not good that I waited this long to start talking to people about it but I just feel so much better and more confident when I know that I have friends that will help me and always be there for me even if other people think I'm really weird. So I am so very thankful that God placed those to friends in my life to help me and hopefully I will be able to help them too. So yeah...just thought I would update since it has been quite a long time since I last have. Well I hope that everything is going great in your lives...I know thats not always the case and so I just have a little piece of advice...don't shut God out...He loves you so very much. Trust Him and you won't be sorry. So have a great week. I love you all so much.
~Shelby~

UPDATE...

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 01:37:38 GMT

Just thought I would let you know about my dad. The doctors found out that he has a thing where his liver was damaged from the combinations of medicines he took when he had phenomena a couple of months ago. So he has to stick to a low fat diet for a while and he will come out of it slowly, and on his own, which stinks for him because he still itches. But anyways, my dad is doing and feeling much better he even went to work two days this week. So thank you for keeping me in your prayers and for all the support. It really helped. I myself have been patching things up with God and I found out that I asked God to help my dad but I didn't truly think he would do it, and thats why it was really stupid of me to be angry at God when I was the one with the lack of faith issue. So I will be working hard on having faith more than I do now. Again. Thank you all so much for your love and support. I love you all so much. Hope you're weeks been great.
~Shelby~

Going to be another long week...

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 01:52:02 GMT

I know I updated not too long ago but I can't help but update again because I kinda need to get this off my chest. Today my dad went for the big test which was suppose to let us know what was going on with his gallbladder and liver. Well, they found out that his gallbladder was absolutely fine, but his liver isn't doing so well. They don't really know what to do for him. I am having a really hard time with this because my dad is so miserable and I feel like I haven't really talked to him since this all started which was like 3 or 4 weeks ago. He is on a bunch of medicines to try and make the itching stop, which doesn't really help. But when he's on the medicine he isn't the same person. He sleeps pretty much all the time and when he's awake he is really quick to snap because hes angry and hates being waited on and he starts to slur his speech. Its just all really scary. My mom is trying so hard to help but my dad hates that fact. He wants it just to all go away. And it kills my mom to see my dad like that. So its been really hard this week already. I am again trying to keep it all inside so I can pretend that everythings ok and keep a strong face for my family. But I'm really falling apart. I am so confused. We moved for my dad's job but if this doesn't get better my dad probably won't be able to work. And I'm just really confused with God, why did he let this happen? why now? I just wish everything was going fine and that I didn't have to worry. So yeah...right now I could use all the prayer in the world. For my dad, my family, and for me....to trust God, even though I'm confused and angry....again.
On a lighter note...I hope your week has started off better than mine. I miss you all so much. Have a great week. Trust God.
~Shelby~

Long couple of weeks...

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 01:44:18 GMT

Wow...its been quite a while since I've last updated. There has just been so much stuff going on. This past week has been challenging. But with the help of some really awesome people, I was able to pull through. I guess I'll start by telling you what was up. Well my dad has been really sick lately. He has a bad gallbladder and they're going to have to take it out, no matter what. But first they have to do a bunch of tests to make sure that there's no blockage, so they don't run into any problems in surgery. First of all at the beginning of the week they weren't really sure what was going on and they did a bunch of other testing like for cancer and stuff, which came back negative, thank God. I was trying to act brave and act like I was really ok, but seeing my mom so worried this past week really really scared me. And my dad...well he has basically been hybernating for the past week...and when he's awake he's really grumpy because he itches all over all the time. I can only imagine how miserable he must be. They gave him medicine to help the itching but it hasn't really worked all that well and it makes him really tired and groggy. So yeah...then I got really mad, because I had prayed really hard for my dad the week before that he would be better by his birthday which was this last Friday but, he was miserable all day long. And I got really mad at God. I knew that it wasn't God's fault but I felt like He didn't care. So I had been holding a really really big burden of pain and fear that I just wasn't able to deal with and I shouldn't have tried because I just ended up more hurt and confused with God. But then I talked to a really awesome and amazing person that helped me see that God loves me and wants me to talk to Him even when I'm mad at Him and feel hurt and confused and I guess thats just what I needed to hear, so I locked myself into my bathroom because I knew I could get some privacy and I just poured my soul and heart to God. If you've done this you know the feeling of peace you get when you've shared with God all your hurts and troubles, its amazing. I felt so stupid for not turning to God earlier. So my blog today is about what I was struggling with. God loves you and wants to be in your life even when you try to push Him out He's still there waiting for you with open arms. So don't hold back from God, He loves you so much more than you could ever know. I hope you all have a great week. You are all in my thoughts and prayers....miss you all so much.
♥~Shelby~♥

Standing Out...

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 02:09:52 GMT

Sorry its been a while since my last post but I just didn't feel like typing anything. My Christmas break was basically awesome. No school...just relaxing and hanging out with my friends. The one thing that I have been struggling with is having a strong passion and fire that I used to have for God. The song "Grey" by BarlowGirl is now the song I am repeating over and over as a silent prayer to God. Is that he would give me a passion for Him like I have never know. I want to stand out because I am a follower of God and I want people to be able to tell that I am sold out for Christ. So I just pray that God would do the same for you. I know how when you go to Christian events like Camp this last summer, Dare2Share, etc. you come home so excited and have a great passion for God but then it starts to fade away and you loose sight of what your purpose is in life. So dig deep into God's word even though you may think the bible's boring and it can't help you...you may just surprise yourself. Surround yourself by christian friends and events that will motivate you to be ingulfed with fire for God. I hope the song helps you like it did me. Have a great week.
~Shelby~